the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
