dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
