Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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