I want to walk on stilts...naked
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
