Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
