I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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