You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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