Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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