Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize