Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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