I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
being pregnant is like rehab
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize