Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
