Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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