i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
