not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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