my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You don't make any sense
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