I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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