i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
