I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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