i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
