I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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