I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
