I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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