she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
