Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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