Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
please come you make the beer taste better
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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