So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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