so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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