I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
