Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
