we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
