if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
