Moan for me like Helen Keller
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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