Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
North Korea, Best Korea!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
