I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
