I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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