Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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