Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is my gift to your gina
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
