she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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