Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it hurts more in the daytime
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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