david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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