I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
