It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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