i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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