Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
