now i know why i became what i already was.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
