I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
