help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
