I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
