Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
