Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
