U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
