I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
