i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
