Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
