remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize