Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I got inside last night via doggy door
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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