I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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