I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize