The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
