I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
