he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
