we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
