Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
