Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
