Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
