Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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