The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
