I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
