Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
