you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
