I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
