I cannot find my penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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